Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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