just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
