Fine. I'll sleep in my office
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
