I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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