He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
