i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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