Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
