You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My bed smells like the plague
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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