does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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