I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
