She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
