I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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