i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize