3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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