when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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