You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
