non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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