Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
