Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
