His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Randomize
