I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My pussy is not your playground.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I fill condoms, not promises.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize