I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
