Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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