I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You smell like stripper and shame
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
