so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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