a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
