im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
