He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
