I think im going to throw up on grandma
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
