friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
