I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
