i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
