Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize