he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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