he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
