I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
