i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
