My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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