I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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