dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
