What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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