i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
