never play flip cup with pint glasses
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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