I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
