Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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