I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
