I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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