don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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