What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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