Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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