So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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