You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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