I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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