JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
