Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
