he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
