There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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