Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
