The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
