i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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