living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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