Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
In America we eat man semen.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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