If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
