After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize