Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
