he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
