did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
