Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
