i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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