If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
